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Why Tiger Woods Won’t Win the Masters

Every now and then, we need a break from fantasy baseball–even at this time of the year.  We know you do too based on the votes you cast for Tiger’s Hottest Tail earlier this year.

Elin Nordegren and her wedding party.

Elin Nordegren and her wedding party.

Today, Tiger Woods announced that he will return to golf for the Master’s at Augusta.

Here’s why Tiger will not win the Masters in 2010.  Go to your offshore sports book and bet on it.

Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer of all time.  With 71 tour wins and 14 majors, only Jack Nicklaus is even comparable.

But, it hasn’t always been easy for Woods.  Woods’s career saw him remain among the top competitors on the tour, but lose his dominating edge in 2003 and 2004.  Woods did not win a single major in 2003 or 2004 and fell to second on the money list in ’04.  In September 2004, his record streak of 264 consecutive weeks as the world’s top-ranked golfer came to an end when Vijay Singh overtook Woods in the Official World Golf Rankings.

It is interesting to note that Woods’ marriage to Elin Nordegren took place on October 5, 2004 and the proposal took place on November 25, 2003.  It’s probably pretty safe to say that Woods was less likely to be involved in his extra-curricular activities during this time of being engaged.  Hence, when Woods was just with one woman, he went into a slump.  Some blame the “slump” on his rift with swing coach Butch Harmon and others blamed it on his marriage.

Will Tiger be able to win with less sex?

Will Tiger be able to win with less sex?

There appears to be no penalty in combining an active sex life with athletics, according to sports medicine director Dr. John Troup.  “Unless it becomes a distraction, it might help people sleep,” Troup said.

The fact is that Woods’ many sexual partners were not a distraction for him.  Most indicate that they merely spent time in the hotel room together.  So, it was kind of a booty call and go away kind of deal for Tiger.  No late night carousing at the hotel bar with John Daly was required.

Some studies indicate athletes need more sex than non-athletes.  The two activities seem to feed upon each other, one possible reason being athletes socialize with people like themselves who combine sexually appealing, fit bodies with high self-esteem.  Certainly, nobody can doubt Tiger’s fit body and high self-esteem.  In fact, his performance in golf is off the charts, much like that of past superstars Wilt Chamberlain who claimed to have 25,000 sexual partners and Babe Ruth who was also known to take advantage of his fame with many willing female partners.  Therefore, Tiger’s need for sex, like Wilt’s and the Babe’s, was off the charts.

We already know that Woods has at least a minor sleep issue as he admitted to taking Ambien on the night of the November, 2009 auto accident.  Now, when he’s not going to be able to have multiple sex partners, and probably not even one willing sexual partner (Nordegren was seen not wearing her wedding ring at the mall yesterday.), how will Woods sleep?  Likely with a lot of Ambien.

The consensus?  Consistency is the key.  Athletes should maintain regular sleep and sex life patterns to feel well and rested before a day’s activities, however strenuous.  The point here is that when Tiger was winning all of those tournaments, he was having multiple lovers.  Now, he likely will have zero to one.

Woods has already proven during his engagement and shortly after his marriage (when he was having sex with only one woman), that he can’t win at the same level that he has over other points in his career.  It is unlikely he’ll be able to play as well as he once did now that he won’t be able to have the level of female variety that he once had.

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